From Mar 24: An idea to ponder

"hell is something freely chosen that already exists on earth, in everything from war to abusive relationships"

I read an article about a new book by Rob Bell, Love Wins. It discusses his theory on the heaven and hell argument and a particular sentence (above) struck a cord with me. I don't have the energy to go into my own personal religious beliefs (I'll save that for another time) but the quote made me question myself and my life.

So many times in my life, I have created hellish situations on my own or perpetuated a problem and wasted valuable time dwelling in my self loathing. I have felt so low that I could easily infer that I was in a living hell. Some people like to bitch and complain about their lives to me or anyone who will listen and I am also guilty from time to time. We wallow in the misery and surround ourselves with other miserable people as if to maybe be one-up on at least one other person. We chase after failing relationships and hold on to old friendships that serve no real purpose. We stick with jobs that make us want to pull our hair out instead of looking for a career that is purposeful. We live very masochistic lives where we like to hurt ourselves (and sometimes others) just to feel something, anything. When I am depressed, I get down on myself: I hate my life, my job, my body, my boyfriend, my family, my friends, my financial situation. Derek Sivers wrote an excellent post explaining Kurt Vonnegut's take on drama. I guess it really doesn't help that our parents plant such fantastical ideas when we are young and then wonder why we are the way we are. Girls become dependent, damsels in distress searching for our Prince Charmings and boys become competitive, cavemen looking for that dragon to slay. When our real lives fall short, we create and fester in our own drama.

Ultimately, I know I hold the control almost 99% of the time: "Choose your Attitude". So I try to make a conscious effort to change. I ditch the self pity-party. I figure out ways to change my situation. I take on hobbies to build self confidence and achieve goals, even if they are small. The bottom line is that I choose to walk away from my personal hells and create the life I truly want. I am well on my way there and couldn't be happier.